Why (I am free)

As many of you may know, I have been struggling a bit with my time here. The first few weeks I knew were normal, but after the first few months, I knew that something had to change, I just had to figure out what it was. It came down to realizing that it was my job.

I love some of my students. I think I like teaching. I don’t like teaching English. I don’t like teaching without having had the proper training to teach. I don’t like some of my students, and how the maturity level I thought I was getting (my definition of college students) turned out to be the maturity level of what I consider high school students. It’s their culture, I know, and it’s something I’m learning to accept, but since I was in college I knew that if I ever taught, I couldn’t teach high schoolers. That’s why I chose to teach college students in the first place, and that’s part (only part. I can write more about the other reasons later) of why this job is not for me.

I told myself I could make it better, that I should stick it out, that it would get better with time, with my attitude, etc. I tried and tried to be optimistic. I changed what I could about it. But nothing was getting better. I couldn’t go through 5-6 more months of what I had just done. It wasn’t the most awful thing in the world, but it wasn’t right for me. I woke up every day dreading going to work. I wasn’t passionate about what I was teaching, and those were signs I had to take seriously.

Around the middle of May, I finally sat down with Jenni and Marisela, cried a lot, and with their encouragement, decided, officially, to quit my job. The thing that stuck out to me the most during all of the conversation was Marisela saying, “Ally, tu eres libre.” Ally, you are free. It struck such a chord with me and finally I eternalized it.

I am free. My life could end tomorrow. Or it could continue for another 80 years. Whatever the case is, I want every moment of it to include me chasing something I love, something I want. I want to not only be free, but to also feel free.

I decided to apply to some other jobs in Santiago, at companies that send out teachers to bigger corporation companies in the area and have you teach English to their businessmen/businesswomen employees. I sent out my first application and resume and within 10 minutes I heard back. I got asked for an interview, and then a second interview. They asked me to start right away.

Suddenly I had a thousand decisions on my plate and wasn’t sure where to go. To leave my job but stay in Santiago and take this other job, or to take another job. To leave my job and start studying again, maybe here at Universidad Catolica. To leave my job and go to another city in Chile or another country altogether and try teaching/living there. To leave my job and go back to the U.S. To leave my job and go back to the U.S. and do what? Job? What job? School? What school?

About 10 months ago I took a trip to Spain with my sister. It was one of the best trips of my life. I spent 14 days with my best friend, 7 of which we spent in our favorite part of Spain, completing a pilgrimage that meant so much to both of us and to our friendship. When it was over, we decided to see a city in Spain we had never seen, Granada, and spent 3 wonderful days there drinking sangria at lunch and sharing massive pans of paella. On our very last night there, we went to a look out (“mirador”) on a hill to watch the sunset over the city. We couldn’t get a good view from the technical look out point (we actually wondered how anyone could and why it was an official mirador), so Rachel, being the explorer that she is, turned down a random side street and found a narrow cobblestone road that sat just next to a wall that over looked the entire city. No one was walking down the road and we sat for hours watching the sun dip in the sky, almost touching the earth.

I’m not sure how much time passed before 2 Americans came walking up our abandoned little road. They were clearly American, because they were wearing tank tops and board shorts looked like they had been traveling for a while. All four of us started talking and our conversation continued as the sun finally set, as we walked back to the center of town together, as we played cards and drank wine.  I realized I was directing most of my conversation to one of them.  He was handsome, and smart, and told great stories and made fun of the wine stains on my lips. My conversations with him continued as we went to a chupitos bar and as we walked the streets of Granada until the sun came up. It continued as we decided to eat “comida” (lunch) together, sit in a Spanish plaza together, and before I knew it we had spent 15 hours straight together and suddenly Rachel and I had to be leaving for our flight back to Madrid, and eventually to the U.S. We parted ways, sad, but realizing that we would probably never see each other again, though we’d try to talk on Facebook.

We spent one month talking before realizing we needed to see each other again. So we did in September. And then again in October. And November. And December. In January I went out to Newport Beach and spent the month with him and other friends and family. I even changed my flight back home to Chicago because I couldn’t get myself to leave.

I flew home and left for Chile. Three months later he flies halfway across the world to see me and I realize that the 10 days I spend with him here in Chile have been my 10 happiest days here.

It has taken me months, but I think I finally, truly know how rare that is to find someone that makes you that happy. I have a best friend in this man, someone I never get tired of talking to and someone I want to spend my time with. I want to tell him about everything happy and everything bad that happens in my day and I want to hear about his. We have a lot of things in common but we also have so much not in common and I never thought a relationship, a friendship, with a person could make me feel like it was one of the right things in my life. I want it to grow, I want it to reach every potential it can and I know that the best way to do this is to be physically present in each other’s lives.

I spent the time since I decided to quit my job (middle of May) to now (beginning of June) making lists and thinking and talking and asking for advice. I’ve been writing and writing, trying to get my thoughts and feelings out. I made lists of pros and cons, about all 4-7 of my options and every factor I could think of: family (who would I leave behind? Who would I get to see? Would they be angry with me for either choice?), friends (same thoughts as family), money (how much I would make for each job option I had been offered), chances of getting a job in x place (if I chose to not go to the places I did have a job), things I wanted, things I didn’t want, what seasons, important days I would miss if I chose one over the other. I wrote what I was afraid of and what I dreamed of, and I could go on and on, but just trust that this list was long. My thoughts were developed. I spent a lot of time considering every aspect and the moment I reached my decision it was a glorious feeling.

I was sitting in a café, once again with my little blue notebook, drinking an almond milk cappuccino and I left that place with my decision made. I got out to the street to walk home and I started crying of happiness. I started LITERALLY laughing out loud. It took all I had not to just scream out of happiness, but the point is that I have not felt like this about something in a long time. And that’s how I knew it was the right decision.

So.

I come back from Easter Island with Mari and Jenni on the 8^th of August. I will spend four more days in Santiago, collecting my things and saying goodbye, and on the 12^th of August I will fly back to Chicago. I will drive my car out to Newport Beach, CA over the weekend, and be living AND working there until November.

Chile has my heart. This country and its people have done what I thought was impossible the first 2.5 months I was here. I say “bacan” and “weon” and I drop the “s”s off the ends of my words and I love the smell of churianas in the streets. I love the street vendors, and the tardiness, and the kindness and the hospitality. I love the oceans, I love the cities, I love the mountains, I love the snow. I love its deserts and I love its lakes. I love the patriotism and the history. I love the pride and protests. I love pisco and I love the view from my apartment. I love the metro, even when I hate it. I love the slow walkers, even when I hate them. I am so grateful for everything Chile has given me, everything it has taught me… about the world, about people, and especially about myself.

My time teaching here is done. It feels right and I feel ready. My time in Chile, in South America, however is not. There is still so much I need to see and do, before I leave this continent mostly for good.

I will be back in November, and hopefully my parents with me for a week or so. I will stay through December and travel in January with Mari and Jenni to Patagonia. From there, I don’t know. I want to see Argentina again, I want to see Peru, Brazil, Colombia. I’m thinking about just working my way back up, seeing Central America too.

I’m excited to start this new chapter. I’m excited to be in California, to be closer to my family, to be living in a place that I love, living near a person that I love.

Now, my plan is to live every day and opportunity here to the fullest. Since I decided to go home in August, I find myself living each day more in the present. It’s a beautiful thing, and it’s exactly what I need. I feel more than ever free.

Future Travel Plans

With Rachel, in June & July:

Buenos Aires

Santiago and surrounding (Cajon de Maipu!)

Valparaiso

Mendoza, Argentina

The Andes (skiing!)

In July, alone or possibly Dana and Kylie:

**nothing yet set in stone… ideas:

Lima, Peru

Iquique desert, Chile

San Pedro de Atacama, Chile

Bolivia

In August, with Marisela, Jenni, and 2 other friends:

Easter Island!!

Pucón

This was a really amazing weekend. Noah and I went to Pucon for 4 days, and it was wonderful. The reason we wanted to go is because Pucon has everything. There’s lakes, mountains, a volcano!, hot springs, horseback riding, sky diving, you name it. We didn’t go to do all of those things, but I had learned about this place in my Spanish class with Alejandro and Noah knew of it because his friend and travel buddy, Mike, climbed the volcano there. We decided we really wanted to go!

We left on Wednesday night around 11 pm and took a bus 10 hours south. The overnight bus was a great idea, because we slept for most of it, which made the trip feel like it was only a couple of hours. We arrived around 9 am and we quickly realized how cold it was going to be. We knew it was going to be cold, because it was further south and it was the middle of autumn, but it was much colder than anticipated.

We walked the 8 or so blocks down the main road of the town to our hostel. It was a beautiful day, there were no clouds or rain, which we found out later had been happening the days before we had arrived. The town was so gorgeous and I couldn’t stop taking pictures of all the stores, people, and roads. I think the thing I loved most about it was the FRESH AIR! I forgot what it feels like to not breath in pollution. It was amazing.

We arrived at our hostel, Chili Kiwi and I immediately fell in love. It is located right on the huge lake in Pucon, and the view from the front is amazing. There’s a front yard with lawns furniture and tables. Inside, it’s a quaint little hostel with a fireplace in the main room with couches and chairs. There is dining room has a beautiful picture window (view of that lake) and the kitchen has free tea and coffee. We stayed in the cabin, which was a smaller building behind the main one, and it had 2 bedrooms, two bathrooms and its own kitchen. We kept warm with thousands of blankets and a little fireplace of our own. The people who owned it were so wonderful. They helped us with everything we needed, even rebuilt our fires for us, and helped us set up our 3 adventurous days there.

That night the sunset over the lake and the view was incredible. Those were the pictures that I posted on Facebook. The volcano could be seen from the lake and the front walk of our hostel. The sunset made the sky all kinds of pink, orange, red, blue, purple and the volcano even turned a shade of pink. It was an amazing sight to see.

We went to bed early because the next day we got up at 6 am to climb the volcano! Noah woke up with a fever that day, which I didn’t really realize until we got to the volcano. His body felt unnaturally warm but I didn’t put two and two together until later. The day turned out to be a lot hotter than everyone had planned. We had a million layers on because it’s a cold snowy volcano, plus we started early in the morning, and the higher you go, the windier it gets. But the sun was shining so brightly and reflecting off of the snow and making everything hotter. The climb was directly uphill, with barely any leveling out, which was hard on the calves later. But, after getting into the rhythm of it, it got a lot easier. We climbed about ¾ of the way up, which was around 3 miles. There was just no way we could have reached the top that day. It wasn’t in our stars. But we had an amazing guide, and beautiful view and each other. We had to wait for the rest of our group to get to the top and start coming back down, so we found a spot around the ¾ mark and rested there. The view was spectacular and a much better option than sitting in the car and waiting.

You could see the rocky, mountainous terrain of this southern part of Chile. You could see huge lakes and little towns and cities in between everything. There were two other volcanoes in the distance. It was those 2 hours on the resting point of the volcano that I think I truly realized where I was. I’m in South America! I’m in Chile! And I fell even more in love with this country, especially with the south, and have the strongest desire to see so much more.

It was an amazing day.

We went to bed early that night, after eating a lot and drinking a bunch of Gatorade and water. I think we fell asleep around 7 or 8 pm!

The next day we woke up and went to a hot springs area! There are a bunch in and around Pucon because of the volcano. We decided to go to one that was about an hour and a half away, but we were told it was incredible. We shared a van ride with two guys from Scotland and once we got there we had 3 hours to spend before the sun would start setting and we had to head home.

The place was so amazing! There were multiple pools, all throughout this narrow, foresty area, with a few waterfalls, and cabanas to put clothes. The temperatures varied in each pool, from around 90-115 degrees, one around 60 degrees, and the last one at 38 degrees. The air was frigid, but once we got in the pools, it heated our bodies up so much that even getting out and switching pools didn’t cause a shiver. It was such a cool and enjoyable day, especially after all of the climbing we had done the day before and it’s one I’ll never forget.

We had a bus ticket that night for around 10 pm. We got back into Pucon from the hot springs around 7 pm so we decided to find dinner, wifi and someplace warm to stay for a while. We ended up at a place in the center of Pucon called Café La P. They had house made and crafted coffees and other hot drinks. I got a delicious quinoa avocado salad and Noah had a burger. Our drinks though were the most amazing part. I ordered their house made coffee with a mix of amaretto and Noah got their house made hot chocolate. My coffee was phenomenal and Noah said his hot chocolate (I couldn’t taste it, #vegan) was the best he’s ever had. It was such a nice dinner and time together, we talked, got to use the internet a bit (whoops), and stayed warm before our bus ride back.

Pucon is by far, a long long long shot, my favorite place in Chile so far. I think about it so much and I tried to plan to go back in July with Rachel, but now that it is really winter it will be cold and rainy there every day. So, my plan is to go back in November (the spring), maybe even with my parents, maybe even more than one more time. It’s a place I know I’m not finished with yet. Highly, highly recommended J

P.S. More and all pics on my Facebook!

A Week in the Life

A post I've been wanting to do for a while is talking about a regular day in my life here. I thought it would be cool to write about because so many people ask and it would give everyone a better idea of what I do here! I was waiting until my days became regular and I had something to tell you all. Haha.

After a few months here I think it's time, but I decided to make it a WEEK in the life, because every day of my week is different, but pretty much every week is the same. Feels more accurate.

On Mondays, I usually go to Spanish class in the morning, around 10 am. I love my Spanish class. It is taught by a professor at my campus named Alejandro, and he's a wonderful teacher. In the class we learn about Chilean history and culture, but we also speak in Spanish the entire time, and it is helping so much to improve my Spanish. So far we've learned about each region (or state) of Chile, what is in each one and what are the most popular/beautiful cities in and part of Chile. That's how I learned about Pucon! (next post). He teaches us Chilean slang and other phrases we might not know. We've been on 2 field trips to museums in Chile, which were really awesome (Chilean dessert mummies anyone?) and we've had to do presentations on specific topics. I did a presentation on Patagonia (the most Southern part of Chile, and the continent, which is shared with Argentina) and the other people in my class did a presentation on other areas of Chile. Though those I have learned what places I HAVE to visit before I come here. Last class we did presentations on people. Mine was on Pablo Neruda. I realized in my research that I even though I had heard of him and read a lot of his poetry, there was so much about him and his life I didn't know. He had such an impact on Chile, and he worked for or opposed many Chilean government systems from the 1930s to the 1970s at his death. It was amazing to learn about.

My class ends around 1 pm on Mondays and I usually go get something to eat quickly and then prepare for my classes at 2:30.

At 2:30 I teach my only intermediate class. They are wonderful. They're such great kids, and their level of English is a really fun one. I don't have to speak in Spanish at all, and sometimes if they don't understand something and I have explained it 5 times in English, and I'm about to revert to Spanish, they'll stop me and say , "No, Profe, please only English. Say again, use different words." It's so sweet. This is the class with the kids who ask about me being vegan and give me walnuts and ask how I've been making friends here and try to get me to come out with them on weekends. It's a fun level of English to be at.

At 4 I teach my first basic class. So this semester is their first ever English class. They are really great kids and ask me all kinds of questions and really want to learn, but their English level is so non existent that I find myself speaking Spanish a lot. Recently I make more of a point to point to things, you hand gestures and repeat myself a lot so they can understand me, rather than switching to Spanish. It would be easier, but I think, where would I be in my Spanish, or Italian even, if my teachers had gave up and just spoke English?

After class I come home and change and cook a little, before heading over to my friends Carlos, Mike, and Allen's apartment to watch Game of Thrones! Jenni usually comes with me, and two other people from our program come too, Miller (Bama boy) and Beau. We usually cook dinner all together, either bringing separate ingredients or paying one person to get everything. We eat, drink wine, and watch Game of Thrones and hang out drinking and dancing after the show is over. It makes Mondays way way better :)

On Tuesdays I usually go for breakfast at my church friends Dan and Mary's apartment. They make me smoothies, peanut butter and gluten free bread and we eat and talk. It's really nice and I get a lot of advice and questions answered from them.

Around noon I head to school because I teach class at 1. I have 3 classes on Tuesday and Thursdays, one from 1-2:30, one from 4-5:30 and one from 7-8:30. So I am basically at Duoc for 8 hours, because the breaks in between are too awkward for me to go home. Thankfully Jenni is at school for the same time that I am so during our breaks we go on little field trips, any errands we have to run, things we have to pick up for the apartment or for dinner. When it was warmer we used to just go walking around, buying fruit from little fruit kiosks and sitting in parks. It was really nice.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are so hard for me, because they are my 3 hardest classes, the worst one being the last one. All 3 of my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays are basic English, so again it's a lot of Spanish speaking and not understanding. My students also aren't very motivated. They come in late and  the policy is that if they're more than 20 min late, they are marked absent.

So many students try to take advantage, talk me into letting them be marked present (they only get a certain amount of absences per semester or they fail the class) and it’s hard feeling manipulated and unappreciated by these students. English is an obligatory class for all of my students, and the classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at least show some general interest, either because they know English will help them at any future job they have, or because the genuinely want to learn the language. But as a whole the ones I have on Tuesday and Thursday don’t feel that way.

So by the end of the day on Tuesday and Thursday I get home feeling really physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I used to cry a lot after these days, but now since the semester is ending there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

On Wednesdays I have only one class at 4 pm. So I usually wake up a little later, maybe go for a hike, or just get ready for the day with the luxury of going slow, before going to my yoga class at 1:30. I go to the Nueva Escuela de Yoga, which is a 5 minute walk from where I live, and I love it! It's the best yoga class I've been to in awhile, and I love learning all the sayings and movements in Spanish. I always feel really tired and sore, but relaxed and rejuvenated after classes. It's over at 2:45 and either walk to school from there (lately not so much because of the cold) or stop and get a coffee at one of the only good coffee places around here (side note: can't remember if I've written about this, but Chile as a whole lives off of NesCafe, or instant coffee. Any place you go to, any home you go into, will give you this instant coffee and hot water. It's TERRIBLE. There are only a free places that will sell fresh, drip, or pressed coffee. I've found one! Apparently there is another near Hannah and Lizzi that I need to check out) and then I just make my way slowly to class. The class I have on Wednesday is my Monday basic class from 4 pm (each class has 2 classes per week. Monday/Wednesday for my basic class, Monday/Friday for my intermediate class, and Tuesday/Thursday for the other 3). I teach the class and then stop into English club for a second. It was started and is being run by Hannah and Jenni. There are some cool students that come so they can practice more English and have a good time. It's really cool. After, I take the bus or metro back home.

On Wednesday nights I usually go get drinks with Hannah, Lizzi, and Natalie around 8 pm at a bar called Bar Berri. It had such an amazing ambiance. The bar is decorated like the inside of what a ship might look like, and reminds me a lot of what it looks like in a lot of good pubs in Ireland. The upstairs, which is only open on weekends or holidays, looks like an old ballroom. The windows are French and the go from ceiling to floor. The ceiling is super high and their is a big mantel and fireplace. But now it is full of tables and there is a small bar, it is super cool. 

Other Wednesday nights Jenni and I have gone to English/Spanish conversation groups at bars nearby. They are really fun, and I loved meeting new people and getting to practice Spanish, but it always costs a lot to buy drinks so many nights a week.

My Thursdays are almost exactly the same as my Tuesdays, minus the breakfast with Mary, so I get to sleep in a little, do laundry, clean my room or whatever.

On Fridays I wake up early and get ready for my only class, at 11:30. I go and teach for about an hour and a half, and then I'm free!!! I usually go around this time to the mall haha. I pick up soap from Lush or walk around the area looking for a warmer coat (still looking!) and some warmer socks, etc. 

My weekends are different each week. Either I travel or I go out with friends, or just relax.

I'd love to include a bit about my favorite students, but I can't do that until the semester is over and they are no longer my students. Even though it would be all good things, I can't really talk about the job or the people in a public forum until it's no longer my job or they're no longer my students.

A Weekend in Valpo

This was SO long ago! (The weekend of May 2nd) But it was such a great weekend I still have to write about it. I will try to remember all details, but I’m sure I will forget some things.

So we went to Valparaiso for the weekend to visit Dana and Kylie. Jenni came with me and so did Miller and another girl from our program, Courtney.  Mike meet us there, and Allen was supposed to come but he got sick so he stayed home.

We arrived on Friday night, around 10 p.m. We had to wait by the metro station for Kylie and Dana to come home from their classes, which ended around 10:45. While we were waiting, we were standing on a slightly shady street and a very drunk homeless man was trying to talk to us. We decided to move down the street, where it was busier with cars and no people. I was wearing a backpack and holding a grocery bag by its bottom in my arms with avocados and a bag of tortilla chips (guacamole for later!) A homeless woman followed us down the street and started talking to us. She was bobbing back and forth while talking and I knew something was about to happen, all of us where kind of aware of it. But before I could prepare myself she reached into my bag, grabbed the bag of tortilla chips, and ran off. All of our initial reactions was to yell and try to chase after her. Then a half second later we all realized it was just a bag of chips. A bag of chips! It probably cost me $4 and at least it was nothing else! We joked about it for the rest of the night.

We finally met Dana and Kylie and went back to their apartment. We ate the guac and had some wine and planned to go out, but realized we were all too tired. So we took some blankets and our coats and the wine out onto their balcony. It was a nice night.

On Saturday we woke up kind of late, but eventually got out of the apartment at around noon. We walked along the beach, all the way to the other end of Valpo. It was really fun. We stopped at a restaurant and ate lunch and had some drinks, before going to one of the many hills of Valparaiso. It reminds me a lot of San Francisco in that sense, because walking around the city means going up or down a hill at any given point. We went to Cerro Bellavista (which is Beautiful View Hill translated literally) and it was a spectacular view! Along the road up and around this hill is the Museo Cielo Abierto (which basically is the Open Air Museum), so all of the streets were painted with street art by extremely talented and famous artists. It was so fun to walk around and explore.

We walked along the beach on the way back too, and it started getting dark. We really wanted to watch the sunset, but a major fog started rolling in and we couldn’t see it. We kept walking and decided to stop at a place we had seen on the way there: 2 old, abandoned train cars. They are still sitting on the tracks and have been redone on the inside. Now, there are tables, chairs, and a piano. It’s open at 4 pm most days of the week and you can order coffee, tea, cookies and anyone can play the piano. The entire place is lite only by candlelight on each table. The ambiance was so cool and I loved it there. I played the one song I know by heart on the piano, and we sat and drank tea and coffee together. An hour or two after we got there, an older gentleman started playing the piano and he knew almost every famous Billy Joel song and some other great classics. We stayed until about 9 or so and then headed out to buy groceries.

We went to a supermarket and all got something to help make dinner. We went home and Miller, Kylie and I cooked. We made guac, salsa, veggies, and meat. It was a great dinner and we ate and got ready to go out.

First, we went to a Quecua bar. Quecua is a traditional Chilean dance, and it is so fun to watch and learn. We had some drinks there and random people asked us to dance. It was so fun. It was one of the best places I’ve been out to in Chile. We stayed there for a few hours, dancing, meeting people, talking with some random Chileans. It was really fun. I danced with two people studying abroad there in Valpo, who were at the bar with their host mom.

After the Quecua bar we went to the salsa bar that we went to the last time we were there, Proa. It was really fun, but after being there for about an hour, it was around 4 am and we were ready for bed.

We went home and slept for a few hours before waking up at 10 am and taking a bus back to Santiago.

It was overall one of the best weekends I’ve had in Chile so far. I’m so glad I went and it is definitely one that will stay in my memory for a long time.